The hand that held the pencil hesitated just below the second line. He didn't know what to write. He glanced at the catlike man in the corner. He was afraid to ask, but he felt that he could trust the man who was looking at him with a warm and gentle look in his eye. 
"....well...ehm....c-c-could I...like...you know....write your name....?" He asked with the insecure voice that the man loved so. He seemed afraid to face the man's eyes so he looked away before he started to speak again.
"...I don't have to write *your* name....I-I-I could write....." His voice died. He had no one else to write. He felt his face turning red and he stared at the paper in front of him. His face was now the same colour as his sunset-red hair that always fell down over his face, covering his beautiful features. He didn't want to wear the bandana any more. The bandana that he had always loved. It smelled like smoke, blood, licker and sweat. He had thrown it away in disgust, but the man had picked it up the day after. He kept it in his left shirt pocket...near his heart. The catlike man's heart ached when he saw him. So weak...so fragile. They would start all over...it was finally over. The catlike man caught his eye as he glanced at him.
"Of course you can write my name...I'd be honoured." He answered, smiling. It was a strange smile, anyone else but the redhead could easily mistake it for a threatening grin. But the redhead knew that it was the only smile the man had ever learned, he wasn't used to be happy.  Therefore, he gave the catlike man a weak smile back and put the pencil to the paper to start writing. He concentrated hard and his pretty, slender hand slowly shaped the letters to a single word.
Farfarello's name had never been more beautiful...

It was dark. Complete darkness. He had always hated darkness. Nevertheless, he loved it. He loved it for the same reasons that he hated it. Him. It was all about him. There was only him. It had always been him and there would be no one else but him. Jei's heart started beating faster as he ran up the stairs. His whole body ached to hold him. Every fibre in his slender, catlike body longed to hold him. To be held by him. He didn't even notice the darkness any more. 

Farfarello saw him put down the pencil, still staring down at the paper. He wanted to hold him so bad. To feel the touch that he had waited for eighteen years to feel. The touch that he had killed for, the touch that he had suffered for. 

The touch that he had given up God himself for...

He didn't run any more. He flew up the stairs, flew to see him. He was too close to be stopped. The darkness overwhelmed him, but still, he kept running. He grew weak in the darkness. Darkness. He had always feared the coming of darkness. Because the darkness never came alone. 

Schuldich felt Jei gazing at him and he knew how hard it was for him to resist. He knew that Jei's pain and torment was far from over. He hated himself. He loved Jei. Jei was the one that had helped him out of the darkness, the only one that had never let him down. But....he couldn't!
When Jei first had held him, he had felt so safe. But that was eighteen years ago. Everything had changed. 

Because of what Crawford did to him, it would be long until he could rest in another man's arms without shivering.

He stood outside for at least fifteen minutes, trying to pick the lock with the knife that Crawford had given him for his birthday. He would never use another knife. Someday...he would kill Crawford with the knife that he himself had given him. The thought got him through. It helped him sleep at night. The tears burned from inside his eyelids as he heard the crying from inside the door. He tried to hurry, but the tears clouded his vision and he dropped the knife. He searched the dark floor after it in panic. Crawford mustn't see it! 
He tried not to sob to loud or he would get spotted. Where was the damn knife? 
He uttered a small whine of pain as his searching fingers cut themselves on the sharp edge of the knife. However, in spite of the pain he smiled briefly, picked up the knife and continued to pick the lock while sniffing and blinking the last tears away. Tears of a soul do desperately longing for love that it was willing to sacrifice itself only to once experience paradise in its lover's arms. 

He didn't seem to know what to do with the paper. At first, he stared at it and gave Jei a worried look.
"You can leave it at the reception, koibito." Jei answered without taking a step forward to him. He was afraid that he couldn't restrain himself if he came any closer. Schu picked it up and stood. Then he walked over to the reception with the paper in his hand. Jei could read the letters at the two last lines. 'Contact in case of emergency: Farfarello Jei'
And his heart skipped a beat as he watched Schu looking around the room, searching for someone to leave the papers to. A nurse who seemed younger than both of them was standing in the reception but didn't seem to notice Schu as he tried to contact her.
"....ehm....e-e-excuse me....I-I-I'm done with this....." He stuttered quietly with his eyes focused on the ground. His face was burning hot and as red as he tried to give the paper to the indifferent nurse. 
".....ehm...." He waited a while, still looking at the ground before he managed to catch the nurse's eye.
"...w-w-who....should I.....?" He added while desperately glancing at Jei. 
"Is it the personal information?" she said without a trace of a smile.
Schu tried to answer but instead he just looked down on the floor again. That was more than Jei could take. He got up from his corner and walked over to the nurse. He put his arm around Schu but immediately removed it as he felt the man shiver unconsciously. He gave Schu a tormented look and then he gave the paper to the nurse.
"Here." He said. His features were rock hard from eighteen years of pain. The nurse stepped back. Frightened.
"...and....who are you?" She asked while looking at the man with his scars and eye pad suspiciously.
"I'm Farfarello Jei...that's my name right there." He answered and pointed at the second line. Schu was moving closer to Jei until he could feel the redheads shivering body softly touching his chest. 
Oh, how he wanted to hold him! 
He couldn't. He had to wait until Schu was ready, make him trust him. Instead, he backed away a step so that Schu wouldn't notice the growing bulge from inside his tight, black pants. The nurse hadn't noticed anything and neither had Schu. Jei exhaled relieved. He had regained his beloved Schu, but yet not. Instead of hugging him that his whole body ached to do, he simply put a gloved hand on his shaking shoulder and lead him out of the hospital. 

The door finally cracked open and he broke inside the cold, dark cell. At first, he didn't notice him.
"Schu...?" He screamed at the darkness. "SCHU?" He started to panic. Crawford could have done anything to him. The American was mad!
But right when he was about to start crying again, a muzzled sound came from the corner of the window-less cell. He ran over to the corner and saw Schu, but he had to turn away. He could feel his heart breaking as he looked at the fragile nine-year old. Schu had been bound with a rope used for boats and he had obviously tried to break free since the skin on his wrists was scraped off and a small string of blood ran down his hands. You could no longer see what colour the rope had had since it had turned red from the blood. His legs were tied together with the hands behind his back so that the body was twisted in an unnatural and painful angle. 
The boy had no shirt and you could almost count his ribs since Crawford didn't feed him enough. Purple bruises were appearing all over the chest and red marks of some kind of whip were shining all over the pale back. He was gagged with a piece of sailor's cloth that had been white but was now coloured by saliva and blood. The red hair was dirty and drenched with sweat and something that Farfarello could not discern. It was hanging down his face, hiding the knife wound from which blood dripped down at his chest. He was shivering from the cold. 
Farfarello had never felt more powerless. He ran over to Schu, crying. Schu uttered a muzzled whine as he saw Farfarello, his eyes filled with tears and he bent over, trying to move closer to the younger boy who stood in front of him. The catlike boy knelt and took out his knife to try to cut his lover loose, but the ropes were too tight to his body. Each time that Farfarello tried to cut the ropes, the knife cut both the rope and the older boy's wrist. Silent sounds of pain emerged from the boy as the knife hurt him. Farfarello could do nothing without hurting his beloved Schu. And he would rather die than to hurt him. Therefore, he sunk down next to Schu and held him in his arms, swallowing his own tears to be strong for the older boy who needed him. The older boy whined and the tears continued to run down his cheeks as he desperately leaned against the young boy whose body jerked from withheld tears. Farfarello closed his eyes and continued to hold him, stroking him over the head. He would stay until Crawford returned. Little did he know that Schu didn't cry because he had to leave again, he was crying because his beloved Jei had finally come to him. One night with him was worth anything. He continued to cry the tears. The tears of silver...

All the way to the apartment, Schu felt the hand on his shoulder. It was comforting, but he knew that Jei wanted to do so much more than that. He turned towards Jei and looked at him with the tears glimmering in his eyes. Jei gasped as he saw his beautiful features and all the love that was in his deep-green, intense eyes. Love for him. And then Schu hesitated, but bend forwards and kissed the younger man's lips softly before pulling away. It could not even be called a kiss; he merely touched the Irishman's lips, gently as the brush of butterfly wings. Jei knew better than to answer the kiss, he didn't even hug him, he just stood there and received. 
"...sorry I can't give you more..." Schu mumbled as he turned back towards the floor.
"Schu...." Jei whispered and took a step forward, but stopped himself before reaching him. Schu sniffed but didn't look at him. He loved Jei, what was wrong with him? 
"I will wait for you." Jei added, looking straight into his eyes. "I promise." 

He hadn't even heard the footsteps until it was too late. Brad Crawford had entered the cell. Schu's eyes reflected panic and pain as Farfarello was torn from him. The comforting arms that had been wrapped around him were clinging to him while he was dragged away. The muzzled cries from the desperate nine-year old were drowned in the sound of Farfarello's pain filled cry...
"Nooooo!!"
  
A single tear rolled down Jei's cheek as he looked at Schu, promising him eternal love and safety. It reminded him of something that Ruth had once said. 
'The tears that we shed for ourselves is no more than tears, but the tears we shed for another...are made of silver.'

And then the darkness had come. The sweet, tender touch that Schu had given him was replaced by the hard, deep thrusting of another. 
Thud. 
Pain engulfed him, and he clamped his mouth shut to choke back the cry that threatened to tear from his throat. How long had it been? How many times? He had no idea. Crawford could keep going forever. 
Thud. Thud. Thud. 
How long had he been here? He didn't know. He didn't care. No past. No future. All that existed was the present. All that existed was pain. 
Pain. Pain. Pain. 
Thud. Thud. Thud. 
The whipping stopped. How many whips had he worn through? Three? Four? He had long lost count. The leather bindings on his hands were cut, and Farfarello collapsed onto the ground. Cold cement floor. Warm sticky blood. He was lost. Totally lost in pain. One thought remained: He must not scream. 
He must not scream. Crawford enjoyed the pain. If he heard Farfarello scream, it would excite him even more. Make him want him even more. He vaguely became aware of somebody standing over his body. The man above him forced his legs open, he felt knees against his inner thighs. What 
was happening? 
The same thing that happened every night.
"..so...mmmpff...you...want a *boy* huh? Mmmrrgh...an unexperienced *boy*....I'll give you...what only a man can give you..." 
No- But there was no strength left in him. None at all. He could only lie, limply, as the man took him on the cold cement floor. 
He must not scream.
He searched for Schu with his mind, but Schu was too far away. 
'Ai shiteru, Schu-kun...' 

Schu looked at Jei and for the first time since Crawford had changed him, he felt alive. He knew that he had found love. Crawford had raped them both. Jei had been raped physically and he had been raped mentally. He didn't know what was worst. He started to shiver again. However, all the dark thoughts were swept away by the warm, loving gaze that Jei gave him. And the German knew, that Jei would wait forever if he needed to. Crawford had hurt him so, but one day...he would be able to love again. 
Because he had so much love to give. 
Together again, hand in hand they entered the apartment. 

There would be no more darkness...